Love and ElectronsLove. That's right, I said it. Some people get it, others miss the mark by a little, and yet others are just way off, at least in my mind. I know this has nothing to do with any of you, as most of these posts do, but I felt like going off on another random diatribe.
So anyway, before I begin I'd like to comment on the fact that I will use the term 'lovers,' and I hope you understand that it is meant as two people who are in love, with no sexual meanings attached. And here we go!
My personal beliefs are that two lovers are like a shared pair of electrons. Each electron revolves about its own center, while still crossing paths with the other electron and its center on occasion. Their paths are never completely identical, and therefore they retain their uniqueness while serving a purpose and functioning as part of a set. Much like electrons, I believe lovers act according to this example.
Before people are lovers they are people, individuals. Therefore, when they then become lovers they should not sacrifice everything about themselves that makes them unique just to be with their counterpart. Each has his or her own group of friends, habits, and lifestyle and they should not be abandoned. Just because two people love each other does not mean they need to spend every waking moment of every day of every week in each other's presence. In fact, that's probably a bad idea. Adults have figured this out, but why should it remain limited to just them?
Teenage society attaches labels and stigmas to everything, and couples are not exempt from this. When two people are 'going out' they expect that one asked the other out (as in the question "will you go out with me" or any variation on that). After this moment teens expect them to hang off each other's every word, to ooze passion from every pore, and sacrifice everything to spend every moment together. They kiss, they fondle, they hug, and many go beyond that (NOT eSSENTIAL IN A TEENAGE RELATIONSHIP!!!!). But this must not always be the case. It is entirely possible to feel affection for someone without the need to partake in these activities every second of every day. Nor is it necessary to pose this question. It it entirely acceptable in life to let a relationship grow and develop gradually, without the overnight leap provided by this act of questioning.
People have friends, don't feel offended if the person you feel for wants to spend time with his or her own friends and not you. Sometimes you need to get away, and sometimes you just want to spend time with others, so don't get offended if you're not invited. And don't get jealous, because in a lot of cases they've known their friends longer than you so don't expect them to change what goes on between them just because you came along and reared your head. People know that with their friends there is no judgment, there are no consequences or repercussions, and no jealousies. That's why they're friends. Let them be. And if you do get jealous, don't be surprised when you get confronted for doing the same thing to them, because you're both people with friends, neither is above the other. The world does not function in a you're-allowed-to-get-jealous-but-they're-not manner, so move on.
Along those lines, don't try to make every occasion special, every moment a memory. If you try to make everything into something it's not, it won't work and you'll feel stupid. It's not worth it, so live for the small moments. Life's better when you're not trying so hard to make things work out the way you want. If you just relax, life will throw you a bone every once in a while. Besides, it's the small moments, the ridiculous things you say that are incredibly cute at the time, the comfort provided in a time of need, the random moments, those are the things you'll treasure for a long time. Spending hours together is nice and enjoyable and fun, but it's the hug at the end of the night, the kiss on the cheek or the smiling wave that fly past the defenses of your heart and lodge themselves in that place that makes you smile.
Don't force it. Don't try too hard. Don't get jealous. Don't be surprised, or feel abandoned. Because when the day ends, the fact that you're still there is what's important. The knowledge that no matter what the day brings, you'll have someone to whom you can rant and rave, with whom you can talk about anything, with whom you can sit there in silence and be happy, and whom you can hold for comfort and support, is what really makes a relationship/friendship worth it. Remember, it's the simple things in life that count.
4/28/2008 6:18:17 PM | permalink | Comments (1)
So anyway, before I begin I'd like to comment on the fact that I will use the term 'lovers,' and I hope you understand that it is meant as two people who are in love, with no sexual meanings attached. And here we go!
My personal beliefs are that two lovers are like a shared pair of electrons. Each electron revolves about its own center, while still crossing paths with the other electron and its center on occasion. Their paths are never completely identical, and therefore they retain their uniqueness while serving a purpose and functioning as part of a set. Much like electrons, I believe lovers act according to this example.
Before people are lovers they are people, individuals. Therefore, when they then become lovers they should not sacrifice everything about themselves that makes them unique just to be with their counterpart. Each has his or her own group of friends, habits, and lifestyle and they should not be abandoned. Just because two people love each other does not mean they need to spend every waking moment of every day of every week in each other's presence. In fact, that's probably a bad idea. Adults have figured this out, but why should it remain limited to just them?
Teenage society attaches labels and stigmas to everything, and couples are not exempt from this. When two people are 'going out' they expect that one asked the other out (as in the question "will you go out with me" or any variation on that). After this moment teens expect them to hang off each other's every word, to ooze passion from every pore, and sacrifice everything to spend every moment together. They kiss, they fondle, they hug, and many go beyond that (NOT eSSENTIAL IN A TEENAGE RELATIONSHIP!!!!). But this must not always be the case. It is entirely possible to feel affection for someone without the need to partake in these activities every second of every day. Nor is it necessary to pose this question. It it entirely acceptable in life to let a relationship grow and develop gradually, without the overnight leap provided by this act of questioning.
People have friends, don't feel offended if the person you feel for wants to spend time with his or her own friends and not you. Sometimes you need to get away, and sometimes you just want to spend time with others, so don't get offended if you're not invited. And don't get jealous, because in a lot of cases they've known their friends longer than you so don't expect them to change what goes on between them just because you came along and reared your head. People know that with their friends there is no judgment, there are no consequences or repercussions, and no jealousies. That's why they're friends. Let them be. And if you do get jealous, don't be surprised when you get confronted for doing the same thing to them, because you're both people with friends, neither is above the other. The world does not function in a you're-allowed-to-get-jealous-but-they're-not manner, so move on.
Along those lines, don't try to make every occasion special, every moment a memory. If you try to make everything into something it's not, it won't work and you'll feel stupid. It's not worth it, so live for the small moments. Life's better when you're not trying so hard to make things work out the way you want. If you just relax, life will throw you a bone every once in a while. Besides, it's the small moments, the ridiculous things you say that are incredibly cute at the time, the comfort provided in a time of need, the random moments, those are the things you'll treasure for a long time. Spending hours together is nice and enjoyable and fun, but it's the hug at the end of the night, the kiss on the cheek or the smiling wave that fly past the defenses of your heart and lodge themselves in that place that makes you smile.
Don't force it. Don't try too hard. Don't get jealous. Don't be surprised, or feel abandoned. Because when the day ends, the fact that you're still there is what's important. The knowledge that no matter what the day brings, you'll have someone to whom you can rant and rave, with whom you can talk about anything, with whom you can sit there in silence and be happy, and whom you can hold for comfort and support, is what really makes a relationship/friendship worth it. Remember, it's the simple things in life that count.
4/28/2008 6:18:17 PM | permalink | Comments (1)
Laura
Naveen
Nao
Naveen
Nao
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As an explanation: this post in not an attack upon anyone. It is merely me trying to get my thoughts into words and using my blog as a venue through which to do this. If you interpreted this as an attack upon yourself that's a shame, because it wasn't.